The stock market is not crashing! Yes, it has certainly declined by what feels like a lot, but how bad has it really been? A 1,000 point decline for the Dow isn't what it used to be (and why do we still use the Dow anyway?). Real investors shouldn't be concerned about a declining stock market!
Plus, as Bitcoin sheds more than 80% of its value in just one year, are you convinced yet that it is not an investment?